Saturday, 25 April 2015

Have you been 'ghosted'?

So you meet a guy, and he's great. He's everything you've ever wanted - you'd almost go as far to say that he was at least verging on perfect.

You go on a few dates, good dates, and he seems to be really in to you. After a while you are texting and calling each other every day. You've told all your friends about him and the cute little scar behind his ear and you know, in your guts, that it will last this time. Then one day, completely out of the blue he doesn't text. You pass it off as just him being busy and then it becomes a week, perhaps he's doing up his house or visiting relatives. Then a month goes by. No text, no call, no explanation. You my friend, have been ghosted.

What is Ghosting?

'Ghosting' (Noun): The active process of one party in a relationship completely cutting off all form of contact with the other in a relationship or dating scenario. Usually performed so that the affirmed half 'gets the picture' that you're just not that into them. Guilt or damage to the  ego or conscious is rarely experienced when using this form of dumping.

If this has happened to you do not worry - it is not a rarity, you are not alone, in this day and age it is actually (unfortunately) rather common. 

So why do people 'ghost'?

There could be several reasons why people ghost. Maybe in a dating scenario you had sex too early, they got bored and decided to get their kicks elsewhere. Perhaps they're not over an ex and you could have been a rebound. Maybe they met someone else or they just weren't that into you. But in all scenarios the end reason that they will have ghosted, is because they didn't have the balls to tell you to your face that it just wasn't working, charming I know.

What should you do if you've been ghosted?

The answer is pretty simple really, forget about them. If one day out of the blue they do text or begin to seem interested in you again - don't give them the time of day. If they couldn't even put in the effort to tell you that it wasn't working for them, then they don't deserve to be in your thoughts, lateen your phonebook. Sure it kinda sucks when you're really into someone and then BAM they're gone, but in the long run I'm sure you'll agree that you dodged a big, commitment-phobe bullet. Who would want to be associated with someone who didn't even have the common decency and maturity to properly end what you had.

And finally, an open letter to the ghosts of this world.

So you're dating somebody and it occurs to you that maybe the situation isn't quite right, maybe it's the right person but the wrong time, or the right time and the wrong person. Perhaps you're not over your ex, or you're just not ready to be committed to one person. Grow some balls and just tell them rather than leading them on and then leaving them guessing.

When you ghost someone, it can feel like you no longer have responsibility for that person and the way they feel. But if you had the guts to lead them into a position where they trust you, the person's feelings are entirely your responsibility. It can feel as though, if you're no longer thinking about that person then they won't be thinking about you. As though they are the metaphorical tree in the forest, just because you can't hear them fall doesn't mean they're not crashing down.

Nine out of ten times, if you have a good reason for breaking something off then the other person will be totally cool about it. That doesn't mean that it won't suck a bit for them, but it will suck a whole lot less than never knowing why you didn't want them any more. Everybody knows how frustrating the feeling of unfinished business can be, well that's ghosting. Ignoring somebody as a means of getting rid of them will only hurt them more, even if you're not around to notice it.

Talking may seem obsolete in this world of mass communication but guess what - it's the humane, mature thing to do, so just do it. Even if it makes you feel like a bad person when you do it, even if it hurts your ego.

Sorry this post may have seemed a little ranty! Have you been ghosted, or even been the ghost? Drop a comment below and share your experience!

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