Thursday, 25 June 2015

Why He Hasn't Called/Text - Explained


I have to say, I've spent more of my dating life hanging around waiting for a guy to call or text than I would like to admit. Sometimes it would be a guy I'd just met who seemed interested in me, sometimes it would be after a date and sometimes it would be with a guy I was seeing.

I would always make excuses. At times I wouldn't hear from a guy I was seeing for up to three weeks. Even after getting in contact with him first. I would write it off as 'oh maybe his phone broke' or 'he's a working man, he's probably far too busy to call'. In reality, as I have learnt in recent years, this is normally not the case.

Take a step back and think about your actions on this very day. For what percentage of the day were you holding your phone? How many times did you check your phone and how many texts or messages did you reply to? I'm gonna take a wild guess and say the answer to all of the above was a lot. Or at the very least quite a bit. 

You see, as millennials our phones are almost an extension of ourselves. We check them constantly, update our statuses, play games, send texts. If we're on public transport or waiting for somebody in the street there's a good chance we'll check it just for something to do. That's just who we are, it's in our nature.

Now think about the guy who hasn't text or called you back. How many times in the day do reckon he's held his phone, replied to messages, even played a game? His typical phone usage is going to be pretty much the same as the other 98% of phone-bound millennials.. a lot.

In the words of one of my favourite film He's Just not that Into You "if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what [..] if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions."

In short, he uses his phone as much as you do. You can pretty much guarantee he's been texting his mates all day, or at least at some point during that three week period! If he was going to text you, he would have text you. If he was going to call you, he would have called you. If he was genuinely really interested in you he would have arranged another date, or talked about how good it was seeing you the other night.

If a guy texts you three weeks after your date, it's more than likely because he just remembered he said he would. You don't want, nor do you deserve a guy that just texts you because you suddenly crossed his mind. You want a guy that can't stop thinking about you. This by no means of the imagination means a guy has to text you every minute of every day to prove he's interested in you. Think of it this way, how often do you text a good (but not best) friend? I would say between once or twice a day to once every two or three days. That is a decent amount

So to answer the title question, he's not calling/texting because, well.. he's just not that into you, and that's okay. You just need to find somebody who is. 

Don't avoid making plans on your weekend just incase he calls. Don't refrain from dating other guys because you feel you have to be loyal to some jerk that can't be bothered to contact you. 

Generally these days if a guy doesn't text me in over a week I forget about him and move on.. if he texts in three to four weeks and expects to meet up I'll say I'm busy. If he has a genuine sounding excuse I might let him take me out when I'm free, but I won't reply that much. Know where you stand, be in control, and never wait for anyone.

[Quick disclaimer - I know not all guys do this/girls can text first/girls can be the ones to not call or text back - for the purpose of this post I am writing from the guy not calling perspective]
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