Wednesday, 20 January 2016

Nine and a half reasons why being single is better than being in a relationship

"So what about you Belle, do you have a boyfriend?"
The cooing calls from the girls I just met meet my ears as I feel unpleasantly awkward. I know exactly why they're asking. They've spent the last two hours talking about their boyfriends, as I've politely nodded my head or rolled my eyes and tutted 'men, ey' as appropriate. It would be rude to not include me in reevaluating ever minor discussion aimed at their relationship again, but now with my own.

"Nope" I reply hesitantly.
The silent reeks as the other girl in the conversation perks up
"girlfriend?" she suggests.
The looks aimed towards me turn from hopeful to uneasy, as if they're trying to squeeze out the stick lodged in their relationship dependent colon.
"Well are you seeing anyone?.. talking to anyone?" another asks
There are two answers to this question, neither of which being the one they await to hear. The truth and the polite dismissal. As Miranda Hobbs would say in her single act comedy routine 'I'm not seeing anyone special, but I am seeing a whole bunch of unsocial people'. I could tell them that I'm dating, and that's fun. That I like to keep my options. That I enjoy casual sex with an array of attractive men turning their painfully awkward frowns, not quite upset down, but quite possible sideways.
"Nope, no one."
Their faces stare back at me blank, as I try to analyse their expressionless faces.
"You'll find someone" one smiles with her mouth but not her eyes, forcing a fake emotion to hide the guilt she suddenly feels "If we had known we wouldn't have spent so much time talking about it".
"I've got an idea!" Another perks up "I can set you up with my boyfriend's brother's friend Danny!"

It's always the same. Every situation. If you are single, you are to be pitied. It is automatically assumed that you must be looking, that you simply haven't found the one yet. It never seems to strike certain people that one might actually enjoy being single, revel in it in fact. Of course this information must be kept entirely under wraps, out of assumption that if you repel the idea of a relationship you must simply be bitter, or jealous of the relationships that they have. That secretly, you long for one  - but hide under a veil of strong-independent-woman denial.

Now much as being single can kinda suck at times, I've come to the conclusion that it makes sense for me. Maybe not forever, but at this time in my life, I genuinely can not think of anything less convenient. I could go on but I thought I'd put all the reasons in a little list as to why being single, at least for me, is absolutely fabulous:

  1. 1. No permission needed - You can see whoever you want, whenever you want, to do whatever you please. No questions asked, no suspicions, no "WHO IS (S)HE?!" There will never be an incident in which you are questioned for liking a certain social media post (seriously I never got this one - apparently this is a big deal now?). I don't like the idea of belonging to someone, of being 'theirs' maybe I'm selfish, but I want me all for myself.
  2. 2.. I'm not romantic - The idea of valentines day makes me feel a bit sick. Those vines where boyfriends sing to their girlfriends with gooey eyes got me feeling queasy. I think if anybody bought me a cuddly toy I would barf. I'm not that girl. I'm not sure I could cope with that happening in my life on a regular basis
  3. 3. You don't have to put anyone before yourself - I don't like being dependent on people, for any reason. I like to be in control, of all situations, always. There are no rules when you're single, beyond the ones that you decide for yourself. Fancy catching a flight to fuck off to Italy for three months to 'find yourself' and avoid everyone you know? Go for it. Literally no one is stopping you. Again I'm probably selfish, but I like that I don't have to factor in someone else's long-term plans to my own. I know what I want to do within the next five or so years and ultimately, they're going to be a lot easier to do without a hanger-on.
  4. 4. Casual Sex - Need I say more? Mind-blowing sex with whomever you like and absolutely  no obligation to hang around and cuddle after (ick!)
  5. 5. I'm busy - Really busy. It's getting to the stage where I would seriously consider paying a coder to make me an online booking site. I can barely schedule a coffee date with my best friend let alone find time for a full on relationship. I have like one day free a week, at best. That's my me-day, I don't want my me-day to turn into my me-and-he-day.
  6. 6. I can go on as many, or as few dates as I please - Don't feel like dating or being romantic with anyone at said period of time? Cool, you do you. Feel like dating one person from each borough in London? Fabulous, the more the merrier
  7. 7. I don't have to shave my legs as much - or wash my hair, or in fact look good at all. It's fab.
  8. 8. Flirting is fun - this one doesn't need much of an explanation. Flirting with people you've just met can be exhilarating. It can make you feel sexy, confident, in control. 
  9. 9. I don't have to share my bed with anyone - I'm a right territorial bitch. I like my bed. I like to take up a lot of room in my bed. I also like that if I feel a fart brewing that's cool, no one's around to hear or smell said fart. I'm really not good at sharing a bed with anyone, never have been. I'm a light sleeper so snoring is my enemy, I also require 100% of the duvet at all times. I once dated a guy who was always hot so had to sleep with the window open (seeing as I'm always cold - not fab) and always stole the duvet. He was a big guy and a heavy sleeper, there was no getting that duvet back. Man I do not miss the days I spent shivering myself to sleep with that guy. 
  10. 9 (and a half) Tinder - Tinder is my favourite past time. I love winding people up and I feel like I really need an output for that.

So there you have it, seven and a half reasons why being single (for me) is better than being in a relationship. Of course this post was supposed to be a little tongue and cheek, the opening dialog not being aimed at all people in relationships, simply the ones that happen to for some reason pity us singletons. The pros of being single for many of course will not outweigh the pros of being in a relationship, having someone you can depend on, who loves you - for many it doesn't come much better than that. This post was also not written in spite or jealousy. I feel even though I've already rectified this, some may come to that conclusion. Like I announced previously, I'm totally up for a relationship.. one day, but right now I'm doing me.

The truth is, whether you're single or in a relationship, if it works for you that's all that matters.

Belle x

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