Monday, 4 July 2016

DO NOT CHASE WOMEN


Earlier this year I dated a guy called Joe*. Joe also just so happened to be a bit of an internet personality himself. Although focusing his content mainly around food and fitness, he also commented from time to time on relationships. Here's what he had to say in one of his latest videos: DO NOT CHASE WOMEN. The moment you chase a woman is the moment you give up power, masculinity, the moment you become low value in her eyes.. so how does this theory play up in the real world? 

'Chasing' in Joe's eyes literally meant, it doesn't matter if a girl is interested or not, avoid. Don't show any kind of sign of being interested - as you'll appear weak - you need to seem unavailable, a prize, wanted by all women. Part of me began to wonder if he'd been reading a Mathew Hussey self help book aimed at women but taken it to the extreme and not acknowledged that the dating world was a very different place when it comes to being a man. 

Of course, from the offset I did relate to what he was saying on some small frame. I have dated men who became extremely clingy or needy very quickly. Who wanted to spend all their time with me and then wondered what was wrong when I didn't, text me all the time and got confused if I didn't reply within the hour. Don't get me wrong, of course, it can be annoying, off putting even. However what this kid was suggesting wasn't the solution, but the opposite extreme of the spectrum. 

Ironically, the lack of chase of which he spoke also resinated with the end for us. See, he really did believe this. Honestly, he did. What he didn't realise is that of course, where there may have been some truth in what he was saying. No one wants a guy that is constantly on your back - regardless of if you like him or not. But you see women, women are creatures of luxury. We like attention. We like to see confirmation of our infatuation. 

A lot of women, myself included - can be quite anxious when it comes to dating. Personally, if I don't have a grasp on what's going on, I get very flustered and uneasy. I like to know if a guy is interested in me, as much as I like to know what's going on with me week - and I base whether a guy is interested in my via how much attention he gives me. Of course I'm not asking for the world, but if I was seeing a guy I'd appreciate the odd text here and there, a good compliment from time to time, suggestions of where we should go on dates and witty ongoing conversation. 

See the thing is, again not speaking for all women, but for a lot of women that I know, myself once again included.. can also be very very stubborn. I am the type of person that strives for success in all aspects of my life, relationships included. I do not deal well with failure and so I take any means within my power to avoid it. If a man isn't actively showing me that he is interested my stubbornness will take control, complete override. I do not chase. In my eyes, I see chasing as failure. See chasing to me, means making an effort with a guy who shows no signs of liking you, at all. It becomes very tiring, very quickly, exhausting almost. There's only so much you can throw out there with no  positive response until the whole thing seems completely unnecessary. 

Now imagine. You, as a guy - have avoided the chase with a girl. You are showing her no signs of interest, despite what feelings you may have towards her - in order to sustain your masculinity and desirability. The woman in question, grows tiered of being shown no evidence of your affection, assumes that there is in fact none, and very quickly decides to give up all together, where has this got you? Answer: no where. 

So here we are, in conclusion, really - this post was a message to all men out there that may have heard this advice or advice that is similar. Yes a bit of cat and mouse can be fun - and women can appreciate a bit of a chase, just as much as men can. But at the end of the day, if you like a woman, and you are sure that she likes you to. Just bloody go with it, not every thing is a game. In playing her this way, you are not 'masculine', you are not 'desirable' - you are being a dick, and there's enough of those around as it is. 

Be genuine, be kind, treat her with respect and reassurance - don't overcrowd her, become needy or pander to her every need - but give her the assurance that she needs to know confidently that yeah, you're kinda into her too!

Laters,
Belle x
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