Sunday, 17 July 2016

What not to do on a first date

C'mon, we all know it. When it comes to dating, first impressions really do count! Well.. I guess in this day and age I should say second impressions. The first impression is usually put to bed rather quickly with a simple left or right swipe - but second impressions, the first irl date.. now they really, really do count.  

I would like to think by now that I am an experienced dater, well that is to say that I have been on a lot of dates! First dates, as Carrie Bradshaw would say - are just job interviews with cocktails. They can be scary, intimidating, confusing. They can go well if you play your cards right, but if you throw in a bad trick, oh boy can they be ugly. In a rather belated follow up The SEXplanation post with my good friend the mansplanation - I will be letting you in on a few first date no-nos from a gal's perspective! Fancy reading his post on the same topic from a guy's POV? Check it out here! Now, on with the post...

1. Vanity

I dated this guy Vince once. He was nice enough looking, very tall, rugged, broad and muscley. Conventionally, he was the type of guy that most girls would agree was attractive. Dream boy right? Wrong. Here's the catch, Mr. 8/10 thought he was a 10/10 - and really wants you to know it. A good looking guy who knows he's good looking is way way up there on my Do Not Date! List. On our first date - Vince asked me if I was the best looking guy I'd ever dated. Or rather, - he told me. "I'm the best looking guy you've ever dated aren't I? C'mon you can tell me" I think were his exact words. Which I was, understandably slightly offended by - and made to wonder about the people I look like I should be dating. He wasn't the most attractive guy I'd ever dated, far from it in fact. I told him that he wasn't, I would have told him that even if he was - just to bruise his ego a little bit. PAY ATTENTION MEN - big egos and narcissism, complete turn off!

2. Moaning

I once dated a guy who insisted I shouldn't pay for anything on the date, despite me offering every time a cash transaction was to be made. At first it was sweet, although I always offer I liked that he wanted to treat me. That was until he proceeded to complain for the entire second half of the date about how broke he was and how this date was really out of his budget, and that he wouldn't be able to see me until his next pay day now. I never did see him again - negativity just doesn't push my buttons when it comes to men. This is just as viable for non-financial topics - moaning is BIG first date no-no!

3. Talking about the ex

I wish that I could give you just one anecdote on this but unfortunately, this is something I have experienced on multiple occasions! Of course it comes in different forms, first there's the guy who talks about his ex a lot, and I mean like a lot. I was on one date where I left learning more about this kid's ex than him, I was this close to sending her a friend request and meeting up for a coffee. Talking about the ex multiple times on a date screams that you're not over her - and the future of me and you is going to look bleak from the offset. Then there's the guy who is super spiteful about his ex. Bringing her up in negative ways and telling the story of what an awful person she is. This does not make me feel sorry for you or yearn to give you a better experience than the last, it makes me fearful. If you could be this spiteful about somebody that at least once meant a lot for you..what an earth is in store for me?! Ex's are a serious convo - not one that was ever destined for the first date!

4. Talking/Asking about body count

This one links back a little bit to the first post in our Sexplanation series on whether or not 'body count' really matters. To me - it never really has, I like to see people for who they are - not for how many people they've slept with. This being said, when you first meet a person you can't help but draw conclusions from what they tell you. I dated a guy once who bought it up almost straight away. Bringing up a topic such as this on a first date made me think one thing and one thing only - this guy only wants sex, he doesn't care about dating me. I say what I always say when the topic's bought up on a first date - that it doesn't matter and that it's not something they should be asking. I personally don't have a problem with my 'number' or what people think about it - but I wouldn't want conclusions to be drawn from that straight away which ultimately, they will be! Definitely something I like to talk about later on. Just as bad, if not perhaps worse, is when a guy brings up their own body count. This same guy proceeded, after my uneasy dismissal of the topic - to brag about his own, telling me that it was nearing 200. So what conclusion did I draw from this? Honestly it was disheartening. 200 is a big number, and suddenly I began to feel just that - a number, just another potential notch in the bedpost - and then came the fear of how STD riddled his dick could be - all in all, as first impressions go, not a great one to give. 

5. Talking about your other sexual conquests

Similar kind of topic to number four here. Although slightly controversial, I don't think talking about sex on the first date is always a bad thing. If the date is purely a hook-up and you are both aware of that, talking about sex can be great verbal foreplay and a sensual and exciting clue about what's to come, or, ahem.. cum. Talking about specific other sexual conquests however (funny stories aside) on a first date - especially if it is a non-hooking-up kinda date - is personally, extremely off-putting. Women get just as uneasy as men do when someone they're dating talks about fucking another person. No. We want to feel, at least in that moment, as if we are the only one. Going on about Sally to hot secretary that you fucked in the stationary closet probably isn't gonna turn me on. Especially if we just met. Chill.

6. Paying more attention to the phone than to the gal/guy

I'm sure we are all more than guilty of occasionally playing with our phones on dates. A cheeky snapchat of that delicious looking cocktail to let everyone know you're a social butterfly, or the odd thumbs up emoji sent to your best mate to let her know the guy's not a complete weirdo are inevitable - but let's face it, there's a limit! Looking at your phone/texting/snapchatting/tweeting/whatevering constantly is annoying. The message that it gives off is that you're more interested in what's going on on your phone screen than you are in the date, that you're not enjoying yourself, you find your date boring or that you'd much rather be somewhere else. I've had a guy take three full 20 minute-ish phone calls in the space of a two hour date before. Really boys, cool it don't call it. 

7. Assuming sex

Big one, and definitely happens often in this modern hook-up society. Assuming sex. Not every date you go on is a hook-up boys! Not every girl will want to drop her panties at the tip of a hat or the check of a bill. Good hint is to ask the gal what they're looking for if you meet them online, or keep is zipppp until at least the second date if you met this chick irl that you spontaneously asked out, or were perhaps friends with before - as hook-up culture is less assumed with people you knew prior. Make sure you know what she want before you go full hog on telling her what you're gonna do to her when you get her naked later. (Sidenote: this one is 100% worse when the guy actually gets offended when you don't wanna go home with him - totally happens!)

8. Getting too drunk

This is the worst. I personally think first dates should never be mixed with too much alcohol. Getting tipsy? Hell yeah! Maybe a bit drunk? Sure why not! But wasted? Like night out at TigerTiger wasted? No thanks. Can't say I'm not a culprit of this one myself but hey, we live and learn! First dates in Britain, are often an excuse to get messy. This usually happens due to nerves, or awkwardness, but it never ends in success. You don't learn much about each other, or at least you won't remember much. And it's more than likely that there will be more than one regret to wake up to the next day. Rule of thumb.. save messy for at least the third date, or a group/social situation! 

And there we have it, my first date no-nos! Can you relate to these or have any more to add? Let me know in the comment section below or hit me up on my twitter @notjustsexblog and don't forget to check out the male perspective of this blog over at The Mansplanation!

Belle x

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