Tuesday, 1 November 2016

The eight emotional stages of being in your first serious relationship

Recently it seems as though I have found myself in the rather odd situation of being in a 'serious' relationship. My very first serious relationship. Now don't get me wrong, I've had relationships before, though granted they never lasted much longer than a few months, I've dated many men, had flings, had friendships, had friends with benefits, heck I've even been in a Dom|Sub/Master|Slave relationship. But this is my first ever, real. serious. relationship. I've just never been the type of girl who saw themselves in a relationship, I always told myself I would never settle - I would only ever enter into a relationship if I could see a future with the guy I was seeing, and up until now.. I hadn't
I thought it would be easy, a lot easier than it is. I didn't quite anticipate just how many things I would learn. Here are what I have come to know as the eight emotional stages of being in your first real serious relationship!

First will come the claustrophobia

If, like me - you were never really a relationship person before - prepared to feel extremely claustrophobic. I was always the type of girl before that would push someone away as soon as they got too close to me. Whether that be in the form of ghosting, purposely making a person doubt their feeling towards me, being blunt or just being out-right mean, I would make sure as soon as they began to get serious - they wouldn't get any closer. As you begin to go through every stage of the relationship that you hadn't previously ever met, they will begin the feel more and more like milestones. 

Then part of you will think it's all just a sick joke

Do they really want to be with you are are they just saying that? Are they actually just benching you, waiting for someone better to come along or do they actually like me? Is this a bet? Was I a bet? What is wrong with this person. Why are they being so nice to me?!

You won't really knowing what to do when they say they're in love with you 

Because you're not really sure what it means to be in love yourself. You know how to love - you love your friends, your family - maybe you've even loved previous flings before... but in love?! You don't have a clue where to start. You might say it, you might even be in love without knowing it - but it might take you a while to actually believe it!

You might get a little crazy

Just a little bit. In your eyes, this is the first person that you've ever wanted to be with long term, they were hard to find and subsequently - you sure as hell aren't bloody loosing them. You start to question whether or not the friend they're having dinner with is actually a date... Why they still has pictures of their ex on facebook... Who that person that's always commenting on his looks on Insta is... you are literally turning into the type of crazy person you've always claimed to hate. That is you now!! Don't worry though, it's not a permanent fixture! Entering into your first serious relationship is riveted with insecurities. The type that make you question things, but what you're actually questioning is whether or not this is too good to be true, you're subconsciously looking for a loophole in what seems to be the perfect person

You realise you have to think before you do

This doesn't mean that you loose your independence, you don't. But suddenly you're not the only person you have to think about anymore - which is a bloody weird feeling.  

You will make mistakes (but they're not as bad as you think!)

Relating back to the last point, you have to think not just for yourself now. You can no longer be entirely selfish, but we are creatures of habit! Being in a relationship, you will find several things are going to be different, it's an entirely new situation, and you're bound to make the odd mistake! Don't think too much into them, it's normal. Make sure your partner knows this is your first real relationship from the start so they'll know where you're coming from when you act a little selfish or un-relationship-y!


You will probably think it's over about 50 times (but it never is!)

Before you realise that unlike the amateur attempts at dating in the past - it's not actually that easy to end a serious relationship. The mistakes you make might feel like the final straw, but like I said before, they're really not as bad as you think! It's those darn I'm scared of loosing you insecurities creeping in again! Trust me, they love you. It's fine. It's not going to end. Stop worrying!!

You'll learn how to trust

Which is perhaps the most frightening and alien thing of them all. Trusting someone is not something that you generally do. You're too proud. Trusting someone means that they have control over you. You know that in order for this to work, you have to throw yourself in the deep end, immerse yourself entirely and feel everything. Even though you are fully aware that if you give someone your heart, they posses in their hands that hold you so dearly, the power to break it. And to you, there is nothing more terrifying. 



So there we have it. The eight emotional stages of being in your first serious relationship. If you enjoyed or related to this post it would mean the world to me if you could share it on your facebook or twitter!!

Laters,
Belle x

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